Tuesday Morning Hangover — Week One

Quick Hits

And just like that, a number of seasons came crashing to the ground this weekend. The Browns, anointed pre-season as the team to beat in the AFC North, took it on the chin at home from the Tennessee Titans, who aren’t supposed to be any good, but were also the sole AFC South team to win.

The Saints looked like they were destined to pick up where they left off, losing another close game in the final seconds before orchestrating a near perfect 30 second drive, causing me to be deeper in my cups on a Monday night than I’d have wanted, making this Tuesday Morning Hangover that much more real!

The Falcons looked like the Falcons as they scrambled for points, and the Patriots picked up where they left off, holding the Steelers, like the Rams, to only 3 points. Of course, they did put up 33 this time instead of 13, so no one complained about a lack of offense.

And Detroit and Arizona went ahead and took the 16 loss season off the table by playing the most Lions/Cardinals game of football ever, to a 27 point tie after Detroit Lionzed away a 24-6 lead. At least there’s hope for Kyler Murray in supposed garbage time.

Oh, and AB moved teams…again…but no one wants to talk about that. It’s too painful for a Tuesday Morning Hangover. So, instead…

The Horrible Fantasy Team That Beat Your Team

For those of you unaware, this is a weekly team composed of players generally owned by less than 50% of people in leagues. This is not a suggestion for sleepers to go grab, though there may be a few here.
And I’m sure a few of you want to blow up your team after Week One…so let’s get started!

QB — Case Keenum — 380 yards passing, 3 TDs — 3% owned
WR — Jamison Crowder — 14 receptions for 99 yards — 47% owned
WR — Marquise Brown — 4 receptions for 147 and 2 TDs — 32% owned
RB — Malcolm Brown — 11 carries for 53 yards and 2 TDs — 14% owned
RB — Chris Thompson — 3 carries for 10 yards, 10 rec for 68 — 14% owned
TE — Vernon Davis — 4 receptions for 59 yards and 1 TD — 3% owned
Flex — John Ross III — 7 receptions for 158 yards and 2 TDs — 12% owned
K — Zane Gonzalez — 4/4 FGs, 1/1 XP — 3% owned
Def — San Fran — 3 sacks, 3 INTS, 1 fumble recovery, 2 TDs — 6% owned

Let me know if you’ve got a squad that took down my team of rejects!

Recaps

Houston @ New Orleans
Whoever has it last…

Alright, I’ll say it. In some ways, we may have just seen a possible Super Bowl preview. After being denied for the last two years, the Saints came out sluggish at home, not reaching the end zone until midway through the 3rd quarter on a Latavius Murray run.

At 21-10 late in the 3rd, it looked as if the Texans had the game rapped up, but then Drew Brees shrugged off the rust and started putting up points, taking the lead 27-21 with 50 seconds left.

Time for some Deshaun Watson heroics, and 2 passes later, he had the lead, 28-27. But the entirety of the drive took 13 seconds, so Drew had 37 seconds to left and a timeout in his back pocket. Final score, Saints 30, Texans 28

Takeaway? All the fantasy guys you drafted on these teams are gonna get you the points you want.

Denver @ Oakland
The Raiders are good this year?

Keep in mind, this is Week One, but the Derek Carr to Tyrell Williams connection looks legit, as does tight end Darren Waller. And Josh Jacobs looks like the real thing out of Alabama…none of this makes sense…the Raiders were supposed to implode after losing AB…

The Broncos though…look, Cortland Sutton looks like a stud as a 2nd year wideout, and Emmanuel Sanders continues to be amazing…I gotta believe this team awakens at some point…but I’m not buying them for now. And what happened to that vaunted D that can’t get a stop when it matters???

Green Bay @ Chicago
Preseason Game #3

Football didn’t begin Thursday night with a bang, but more of a mild whimper which was barely audible. There’s not much here to say except that the Packers defense looked pretty stellar, or is Trubisky and company going to be that painfully anemic all season? But the Bears avoided the run in the 2nd half, totaling just 15 carries for the game versus 45 pass attempts, and Tarik Cohen didn’t tote the rock out of the backfield once. Put the blame for this loss clearly at the feet of coach Matt Nagy.

For Green Bay, good luck finding a run game! Aaron Jones doesn’t appear to be the answer, and Jamaal Williams never was. Rodgers is going to be chunking that ball up like crazy if things don’t improve, which is great for your fantasy team, but probably bad for playoff hopes in GB.

Melvin Gordon, anyone?

Tennessee @ Cleveland
Fool me once…

Look, I don’t think either of these teams look like this at mid-season. The Titans, after weathering a 1st quarter onslaught, played perhaps the best 3 quarters of football the organization has seen since the Air McNair years. But keep an eye on A.J. Brown, rookie wide receiver out of Ole Miss. He could get Mariota a contract extension.

As for the Browns, it’s hard to start any conversation without acknowledging their 18 penalties for 182 yards…that’s over 10 yards a penalty. Think about that.

That said, once this offensive juggernaut gets rolling, they’ll be hard to stop. The Titans slowed the roll for one week. Can the Jets hold it for two?

Baltimore @ Miami
Lamar Jackson can throw…

Yes, yes Lamar Jackson might have had the breakout performance of the weekend, but it was against Miami. Still, the biggest news might really be the receivers on that team in Marquise Brown and tight end Mark Andrews. Oh, and as I’ve been saying all off-season, my least favorite Saint fits perfectly with his new team in Baltimore. Heck, the Ravens tore it up so much that even RG3 came in and went 6 for 6 and a TD.

As for the Dolphins…I don’t know if bringing Rosen in at the end means the FitzMagic era in Miami is already over, but one thing is for sure…DeVante Parker needs to call up Andre Johnson and get some advice on how to spend the best years of your career on a perennial bottom-feeder.

Atlanta @ Minnesota
Just the facts…

Try this on for size. Kirk Cousins only threw the ball 10 times. Matty Ice dropped back 50 times.

No surprise on the outcome here, as the Vikings literally ran roughshod over the Falcons by way of Dalvin Cook and his 111 yards on 21 carries. And that’s the story of the game. The Falcons had no ground game and turned the ball over three times. There really wasn’t much that the Vikings had to do, even with a vaunted receiving attack. Luckily for you Thielen owners, one of his 3 catches saw the end zone.

The Falcons saw a little life in garbage time, getting TDs to both Julio Jones and Calvin Ridley in the 4th. Hopefully that momentum carries over to a SNF game where they host the Eagles…

Washington @ Philadelphia
Can Wentz stay healthy all season?

It seemed for a second that we all picked this game wrong and that the Racial Slurs were going to come away with a victory up 17-0 midway through the 2nd quarter. Then DeSean Jackson’s homecoming party started, ending the day with 8 catches for 154 yards and 2 TDs. Eagles’ fans that were chewing their nails to the bone wondering about Nick Foles in the 1st quarter have already denied it ever happening as Wentz finished with a 121 QB rating. Things are looking up in the City of Brotherly Love as they work to get back to the big game in February.

As for Washington…that’s about the best you can hope for. On the road against a superior division rival to open the season, the Racial Slurs are simply playing out the thread until Dwayne Haskins is ready to start. In the meantime, they’ve lost Guice again for a couple weeks, so get ready for Peterson, who was a healthy scratch this week, to get a ton of action behind Keenum as they face off against the Cowboys on Sunday.

Buffalo @ New York Green
Um, the future of the AFC East?

The Bills won. Wait. The Bills were down 16-0 with no offense to speak of, and then tada, Josh Allen got it together just enough to put together a couple 4th quarter drives.

But what happened to the Jets? Kicking is important, and a missed XP and a missed FG were the difference in the game.

Look, I don’t know what to tell you. Unless this is your team, you’re really only looking at either of these teams for their fantasy value. I don’t see either team gaining any real momentum as the season goes on, and while we may see growth at the QB position for both teams, it’s not going to factor in enough to get either of these teams to a wild-card even. The lone spark of interest is Jamison Crowder and his 14 receptions. Something to watch going forward.

Los Angeles Horns @ Carolina
Future Wild Card match-up?

This wasn’t the game that I expected. Sure, I thought there would be a large amount of ground game, but not to such a large extent. What’s more concerning is that Goff, who just got a big extension, looked pedestrian going 23/39 for 186, 1 TD, and 1 INT. On the other side of the ball, Cam Newton, who had talked at the end of last season about taking this one off, looked just as paltry, serving up just 239 yards and no TDs with a pick.

The running game though is strong, and those of you who took McCaffrey in your fantasy drafts were probably quite pleased. And while Gurley didn’t get in the end zone, vultured by Malcolm Brown, he did look good picking up 97 yards on 14 carries.

Still, both of these teams are only going to go as far as their signal callers take them, and they left Sunday looking like grandmas.

Kansas City @ Jacksonville
Mahomes makes weapons…

Going into the season, I was hesitant to believe Patty Mahomes could repeat last year’s success. He’d lost Hunt, Conely, and some other playmakers on the offensive side of the ball. But he still had Kelce, and Tyrek Hill till the NFL decides to suspend him (two seasons from now?). And then early in the game, Hill goes out, and I’m thinking, there’s no way.

I can eat my crow. And admit I don’t believe in Sammy Watkins. But for one week, all my questions are answered, and of course Andy Reid knows what to do with Shady McCoy.

For the Jags, the Nick Foles’ era has already came and went. Sure, he could come back, but by then, I’ve got a feeling Gardner Minshew will hold onto the job, and that’ll be that until the draft next season. Who knows? Things were never perfect in Jacksonville, but with Foles out, uncertainty rears its head, and what was once a borderline playoff team is now the official X-factor.

Indianapolis @ Los Angeles Bolts
Believe in Brissett?

Two marque players were out for this game before the season started. Andrew Luck hung up his cleats, and Melvin Gordon decided his cleats should probably be elsewhere.

While I’m not going to say that Jacoby Brissett immediately alleviates all of Colts’ fans fears about no more Luck, it had to feel good watching him lead that 4th quarter drive to tie the game. And Marlon Mack looking like the first running back in a Colts uniform since, what, Edge?

Alas, the Charger still won the game, fooling us for one more week that maybe this is their year. Eventually, it has to be Philip Rivers year, right? Either way, Austin Ekeler did exactly what everyone thought he’d do after Gordon made his stand…make Gordon look super disposable while scoring 3 of the Chargers 4 TDs, including the one to seal the game in OT.

So, where does Melvin Gordon land now?

Cincinnati @ Seattle
Bengals got a new look?

Sure, the Seahawks won, but that was the consensus pick going into this game. The Bengals had a new head coach, a number one wideout out for the first half of the season, and a slightly dismantled defense. Yet, if Joe Mixon doesn’t get hurt early in this game, we might be talking about one of the bigger upsets of Week One. Most impressive was the coming out party for John Ross III, who alongside Tyler Boyd, helped get Andy Dalton to over 400 yards passing.

On the Seahawks’ side of the ball, this was a somewhat business as usual performance, aided by short fields on 3 Bengal turnovers. Russell Wilson didn’t need any real heroics, and Chris Carson looks like the lead back Seattle has been looking for since the days of Beastmode. We’ll probably have a better understanding of this team after going on the road next week against an angry Steelers team.

New York Blue @ Dallas
America’s Team Again?

Jerry Jones is going to have to keep opening his checkbook as Dak led the ‘Boys to a blowout win over the Giants behind 405 passing and 4 TDs. Having to remember it was a home opener against a team predicted to finish in a fight for last in the league, but still, the Cowboys looked scary. Zeke didn’t even have to do anything. Amari Cooper looked ready to continue the tear he finished the season on, Michael Gallup wants to join him, and look at ‘lil ole Randall Cobb, finally back in the receiving rotation where he fits best. Even Jason Witten got in on the party!

The G-men? I mean, obviously there’s Saquan. And Evan Engram looked good as the only guy Eli had the arm strength to reach consistently. But that’s about it. Giants’ fans are just counting the days till the Daniel Jones era begins and they can start complaining about the team for different reasons.

Detroit @ Cardinals
Ugh…really?

So, the Lions did the Lions. Stafford took them up way up high to a lead, passing the ball all over the place, and then they decided to play the loosest prevent defense known to man and let Kyler Murray reconsider his halftime phone call to the Oakland A’s.

Look, there’s not much to say here. The one bright spot for either team that wasn’t someone already on your radar…Lions tight end T.J. Hockenson looks like the real deal, and Stafford targeted him 9 times.

San Francisco @ Tampa Bay
I’m really not saving the best for last…

This was another painful game that I had a hard time watching as a fan. I bought into the idea that Bruce Arians had come back to coaching football because he thought he could do something with Jameis, but apparently, that’s not the case, or it’s a long con as Winston threw 3 picks on the day.

Not that Jimmy G looked that much more impressive for the 9ers, but he did hold himself to only one pick.

Maybe the bigger story is the defense for both teams, particularly the 9ers, but at the same time, I can’t take any more away from this than if both teams played the Dolphins. Regardless, keep an eye on running back Ronald Jones for the Bucs, who could be a top 10 fantasy back by the end of the season.

Pittsburgh @ New England
Age is just a number

I watched as Tom Brady fell down every fantasy draft I was in. Guys like Kyler Murray and Jared Goff and Kirk Cousins were going before him.

Then, watching as he dismantled the Steeler D, knowing that AB joins the team next Sunday, I had complete draft remorse.

There’s not much to say about the Evil Empire. If you’ve been watching football in even the slightest for the past decade, you know about the Patriots. Now just know this could be the best receiving corp Brady has ever had. Ever.

As for the Steelers, I want to chalk this one up to a summer of AB drama, only to find that he’s going to perhaps your biggest rival. I wouldn’t be surprised if Big Ben and Juju walked the halls of Gillette Stadium waiting for AB to pop out from around the corner to try to take an ironic selfie with them.

Regardless, Big Ben and company have to right the ship quickly, as the Seahawks are coming into town with rings on their mind. And after Sunday night, Big Ben may have retirement on the brain again.